Something everyone seems to forget ...

I read this article in the Ensign a while ago, and was struck by the truth of the message. I've seen it in my own life and in the lives of others. I just had to share it for others to read.

One Key to a Happy Family

By President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Second Counselor in the First Presidency

The great Russian author Leo Tolstoy began his novel Anna Karenina with these words: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”¹ While I do not have Tolstoy’s certainty that happy families are all alike, I have discovered one thing that most have in common: they have a way of forgiving and forgetting the imperfections of others and of looking for the good.

Those in unhappy families, on the other hand, often find fault, hold grudges, and can’t seem to let go of past offenses.

“Yes, but …” begin those who are unhappy. “Yes, but you don’t know how badly she hurt me,” says one. “Yes, but you don’t know how terrible he is,” says another.

Perhaps both are right; perhaps neither.

There are many degrees of offense. There are many degrees of hurt. But what I have noticed is that often we justify our anger and satisfy our consciences by telling ourselves stories about the motives of others that condemn their actions as unforgivable and egoistic while, at the same time, lifting our own motives as pure and innocent.

The Prince’s Dog

There is an old Welsh story from the 13th century about a prince who returned home to find his dog with blood dripping down its face. The man rushed inside and, to his horror, saw that his baby boy was missing and his cradle overturned. In anger the prince pulled out his sword and killed his dog. Shortly thereafter, he heard the cry of his son—the babe was alive! By the infant’s side lay a dead wolf. The dog had, in reality, defended the prince’s baby from a murderous wolf.

Though this story is dramatic, it demonstrates a point. It opens the possibility that the story we tell ourselves about why others behave a certain way does not always agree with the facts—sometimes we don’t even want to know the facts. We would rather feel self-justified in our anger by holding onto our bitterness and resentment. Sometimes these grudges can last months or years. Sometimes they can last a lifetime.

A Family Divided

One father could not forgive his son for departing from the path he had been taught. The boy had friends the father did not approve of, and he did many things contrary to what his father thought he should do. This caused a rift between father and son, and as soon as the boy could, he left home and never returned. They rarely spoke again.

Did the father feel justified? Perhaps.

Did the son feel justified? Perhaps.

All I know is that this family was divided and unhappy because neither father nor son could forgive each other. They could not look past the bitter memories they had about each other. They filled their hearts with anger instead of love and forgiveness. Each robbed himself of the opportunity to influence the other’s life for good. The divide between them appeared so deep and so wide that each became a spiritual prisoner on his own emotional island.

Fortunately, our loving and wise Eternal Father in Heaven has provided the means to overcome this prideful gap. The great and infinite Atonement is the supreme act of forgiveness and reconciliation. Its magnitude is beyond my understanding, but I testify with all my heart and soul of its reality and ultimate power. The Savior offered Himself as ransom for our sins. Through Him we gain forgiveness.

No Family Is Perfect

None of us is without sin. Every one of us makes mistakes, including you and me. We have all been wounded. We all have wounded others.

It is through our Savior’s sacrifice that we can gain exaltation and eternal life. As we accept His ways and overcome our pride by softening our hearts, we can bring reconciliation and forgiveness into our families and our personal lives. God will help us to be more forgiving, to be more willing to walk the second mile, to be first to apologize even if something wasn’t our fault, to lay aside old grudges and nurture them no more. Thanks be to God, who gave His Only Begotten Son, and to the Son, who gave His life for us.

We can feel God’s love for us every day. Shouldn’t we be able to give a little more of ourselves to our fellowmen as taught in the beloved hymn “Because I Have Been Given Much”?² The Lord has opened the door for us to be forgiven. Wouldn’t it be only right to put aside our own egotism and pride and begin to open that blessed door of forgiveness to those with whom we struggle—especially to all of our own family?

In the end, happiness does not spring from perfection but from applying divine principles, even in small steps. The First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles have declared: “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”³

Forgiveness is positioned right in the middle of these simple truths, founded on our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. Because forgiveness connects principles, it connects people. It is a key, it opens locked doors, it is the beginning of an honest path, and it is one of our best hopes for a happy family.

May God help us to be a little more forgiving in our families, more forgiving of each other, and perhaps more forgiving even with ourselves. I pray that we may experience forgiveness as one wonderful way in which most happy families are alike.

Is marriage a contract or a relationship?

Find the answer by watching this video.

Awesome blog post: Marriage isn't for you

If I could give an award, I would give it to Seth Adam Smith for his awesome post. To read it, click the link below:

Marriage isn't for you

Have you wondered if marriage is too hard, scary or just not what you want? You should definitely read this! It's something that I'm gradually learning ... and mostly learning from my husband, Brian.

30 day song challenge: Day 23

My brother played two country songs at his wedding reception, and I was a little jealous. I really liked those songs, but he had got married first so he got to use them. So I'm going to share one of them, because I still think it would be fun to play at my wedding reception (although it already happened).

I like this song because it's how Brian and I met: through Divine intervention. When I look back over my last semesters at school, it is incredible how everything worked out to lead me to be at the right place at the right time.

Heavenly Father really does know exactly what He's doing!

A Sunday citation

I found this great quote in Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow:

"When one brother is not willing to suffer for his brother, how is it in his power to manifest that he has love for his brother? I tell you it is in our folly and weakness that we will not bear with our brethren, but if they trespass upon our rights we immediately retaliate, and if they tread upon our toes we immediately jump upon theirs ... When I see a brother that has been trespassed against, and then he turns round and jumps upon the offender, then I say how far is that brother from the path of duty, and I say to him you must learn to govern yourself or you will never be saved in the kingdom of God.

"I will read some paragraphs from the Book of Doctrine and Covenants:

"'My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against on another, and forgave not one another in their hearts, and for this evil they were afflicted, and sorely chastened;

"Wherefore I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another, for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses, standeth condemned before the Lord, for there remaineth in him the greater sin (D&C 64:8-9).'"

A Sunday citation

Women's conference last night was beautiful! So much of it touched my heart and taught me. For the Sunday citation today, I chose a quote that particularly struck me:

"My dear sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you--each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you're sad or happy; discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you deserve love. It is simply always there.

"As we seek our Heavenly Father through fervent, sincere prayer and earnest, dedicated scripture study, our testimonies will become strong and deeply rooted. We will know of God's love for us. We will understand that we do not ever walk alone.

"I promise you, that you will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that he was always there beside you. I know this to be true in the passing of my eternal companion, Francis Beverly Johnson Monson."

Those were the closing remarks of President Thomas S. Monson, our prophet. He knows that what he says is true, and the Spirit testified to my heart that what he said is true. I hope you can understand how very important it is to begin to understand these things.

Tragedy turned into a blessing

This is one of the most incredible stories I've ever heard. This man lost half his family to an accident, but by relying on God he came to know Christ through this tragedy. And then he was able to forgive and help the teenager who had caused the accident.